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Avoid Unnecessary Hurt

November 28th, 2012

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I recently came across a quote that I found interesting and I wanted to share it with you today:

"When people hurt you over and over, think of them like  sand paper.
They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up worn out."
  - Chris Colfer

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Although by no means we should allow people to hurt us over and over, it is important to keep in mind that we have little control over what other people say or do, but we certainly have control over our own emotions and reactions.

I strongly believe that people are not out there to hurt you, but they have their own issues and challenges and if they can't keep their negative emotions under control (envy, resentment, anger, etc.), they may say or do things that hurt others; whether they do it on purpose or not, it is still a result of their own lack of emotion control. Your reaction is also the result of your own emotion control.

You can choose today not to let other people's comments or actions bring you down, you can decide to grow in understanding and wisdom and raise above it or, you can sink in despair, anger, resentment, etc. But remember, it is always YOUR choice!

Some people believe they have little control over their emotions and they feel victims of their circumstances, but the truth is we always have a choice, and we need to become responsible for our own well-being, therefore responsible for our own emotions and reactions. Once we accept this simple truth, we can work towards achieving peace by learning to tame our emotions, one of the best ways to do this is to quiet our minds, because our thoughts and beliefs are responsible for our emotions.

We are not victims of our surroundings, we are the creators of our life, so we can choose how to live, it takes some effort and commitment but it is worth every minute spent on it. Knowing that you don't depend on others for your happiness is an empowering thought. This to me was a wonderful realization, one that gave me freedom from the people around me and the circumstances around me.

This does not mean we should let people get away with anything, when dealing with difficult relationships we should certainly take action to prevent further hurt. But ultimately others can only hurt us as much as we allow them to. Below is a short list of what we can do to start:

  • Avoid people who tend to say or do hurtful things, if you can
  • Talk to them when you are both calm and at peace, let them know your feelings, without blaming them
  • If neither of the above are possible, practice detachment and self control when you are in their presence

The list above can be used in many different contexts and situations, not only in regards to difficult relationships but also for difficult circumstances. If you find yourself in a situation that is less than desirable, you have 3 choices:

  • You remove yourself from the situation, OR
  • You fix the situation, OR
  • You accept the situation and learn to live with it, in peace

As Eckart Tolle would say: "resisting your present reality can only lead to frustration and despair." By resisting he means resenting your current situation and allowing it to bring you down.

Some people find it hard to believe that they can become immune to hurtful actions and words from others, but they are hurtful only to the extent that we allow them to be. With some conscious work on yourself, you can little by little attain freedom from external circumstances. If you want to read more on this topic, I have a few more postings that might be of interest to you:

Have a great week!

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